She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
