What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
