Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
