every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this just has baby written all over it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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