I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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