The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
