We won't sleep together?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we made out on top of his cat.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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