White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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