You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
