My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
