theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
