the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
