i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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