The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
