Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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