Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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