Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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