Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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