I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
