she smelled like a LAN party
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
