you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
