did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
