So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
