hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
