I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
