I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
