Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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