Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
