i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
