Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
