Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize