No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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