I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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