Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
