It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
