Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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