I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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