So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sober January is a disaster.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
