I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
