one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Houston, we have a squirter
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
