3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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