I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
