Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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