Its about making memories worth repressing
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
