She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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