I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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