I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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