Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
