woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
