no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
