I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
