Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
