Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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