I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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