This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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