The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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