operation have a gay friend backfired
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
