They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
