you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
