you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
