we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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