Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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