Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
