So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize