As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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