your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize