Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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