Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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