.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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