The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
