Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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