I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
