I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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