Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
