i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
