Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
