dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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