My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
