Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What a dumb baby whore.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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