I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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